Marriage Gaslighting

Marriage Gaslighting is manipulation by one spouse to convince the other spouse they are unable to see their own reality.  One kind of gaslighting is the need to always be right, regardless of evidence to the contrary and whether or not they have shifted positions in the past.

The term gaslight comes from the 1944 film of the same name.

The need to be right

Gaslighters simply have to believe they are right because the thought of being wrong causes them to feel vulnerable.  They don’t want to take off the mask of always being right to see two sides to an issue because that would make them look weak.  The mask is more important than the possible vulnerability.  If they have shifted positions in the past they say ‘you must have misunderstood me.  I would never have said something like that.’  And, they know they are lying when they say that (or a very poor memory).

How do we respond?

  If the gaslighter says: “Do you think you may have misunderstood me?” your answer is, “Yes, I may have.  However, I don’t believe I did.  Regardless, lets resolve the problem at hand.”  We have now taken gaslighting off the table.  

How did Jesus respond?

Jesus was gaslighted by the Pharisees when they challenged him about not observing Jewish traditions.  Jesus logically responded to them, didn’t question his own mind and did not allow the Pharisees to get him off message. (Mark 7).

You are never alone in your battle

The Holy Spirit will be there for you when you confront the gaslighters in your life.  (Romans 8:26). 

Rev. Dr. Craig Brewick, Christian Hope Counseling

Rev. Dr. Craig A. Brewick, Christian Hope Counseling
7607 Garden Gate Drive
Citrus Heights, CA 95621
(916) 769-4673