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Marriage Ultimatums

  Ultimatums are the result when boundaries don’t work.   A boundary is setting a parameter for what is okay behavior and not okay behavior.  However, when one partner begins to violate the boundaries to the extent that there is chronic disrespect an ultimatum may be in order. Make a case But, before you issue an ultimatum make sure you make the case.  Review the boundaries that have been disrespected and why it is now...

FRIENDSHIP BEFORE ROMANCE?

It would be nice if a person first became a friend and then a romantic attraction.  It just seems more civil.  Sometimes this happens, but most studies agree that people fall in love with the physical attractiveness of the other person.   Behavior they don’t like So, theoretically, after physical attraction, the two become friends.  Again, sometimes yes other times no.  Often the romance is all they have in an...

THANKSGIVING, ALCOHOL AND ANGER

Thanksgiving, Alcohol and Anger Millions of Americans will gather tomorrow for Thanksgiving.  A time do thank Our Savior for what He did on the Cross to save us from eternal punishment. It’s also a time to gather in a home to eat heartily and, perhaps, to over indulge in alcohol. Is it the truth? Later, a spouse might say:  “Sorry, I didn’t mean it, I just had too much to drink.”  Is it a true statement.? No.  They meant...

MARRIAGE CONTEMPT

The term ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ goes back a long way but its’ basic tenet is this:  When two people know a lot about each other there are traits that are bound to come up that the other doesn’t like.  Thus, criticism. What are they seeing? So try to see the other person through their eyes.  What are they seeing?  Are they right?  Can I change my behavior?  Or, are they wrong?  You certainly can defend yourself....

MARRIAGE GASLIGHTING

Marriage Gaslighting is manipulation by one spouse to convince the other spouse they are unable to see their own reality.  One kind of gaslighting is the need to always be right, regardless of evidence to the contrary and whether or not they have shifted positions in the past. The term gaslight comes from the 1944 film of the same name. The need to be right Gaslighters simply have to believe they are right because the...

WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN I DIE?

WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN I DIE? For those who believe in Jesus (Christians) you will go to be with Jesus when you die.  Where that is or what that looks like is a mystery but we have no fear because Jesus is there.  (John 14:1-9) Will I be punished for my sins? No.  Jesus took all our punishment on Himself at the Cross (Romans 8:1-2). Will I get a reward? Your reward will be everlasting life with God.  You will not need an...